We kept a friend's dog last week and it taught me something: I'm not ready for kids yet. As far as time and attention needed, it's not a long leap from puppy to baby. To be sure, the little gal was cute and kinda fun. But you can stick a puppy in it's little puppy crate when you leave the house. I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure they don't make those for babies. That's the luxury of having a dog--you won't have Social Services called on you because you left them in a plastic cage for hours while you went out with friends. I think there's a Jerry Springer episode entitled "I left my kids in a plastic cage while I went out with friends."
I didn't have many pets growing up. Mom was never too fond of them and neither one of us kids seemed too passionate about the little critters. But from time time (as children are inclined) one of us would get the bug. This would usually happen as we were walking past the mall pet store (Is there anything more depressing than a mall pet store? Maybe an Indonesian brothel. Maybe.). Then started the bugging. MOM? Please? Please? I promise I'll take care of it! I love it sooo much. A few times, mom eventually relented and let me have the begged-for animal property. I had two hampsters named Ace and Peter (I was obsessed with KISS) and a dog named Pooch. Mom named Pooch. Very creative nomenclature. One of the hampsters died from constipation (I swear) and we sold Pooch in a garage sale. Yep. A garage sale. Classy.
I sort of dated a girl for about 4 weeks in grad school named...umm...something. She had a rabbit. I think she thought it would be oh. so. cute. if I would keep Hoppy (or Furry or Retarded or whatever it was named) for a few days. But we'd have a fight and she'd want the awful thing back. Then she'd need me to take the rodent back for a few more days. Ad nauseum. And nauseating. I think I recall saying something to my roommates like "this rabbit is such a great metaphor for our relationship: back and forth, back and forth, yet no matter where it is, the thing just stinks." Rabbits are good for two things: stew and cheap coats.
So, yeah, I'm probably not going to be a dad anytime soon.
(rw)
Randy!!! that's hilarious!
Posted by: spence | June 16, 2008 at 05:21 PM