A few months ago I was picking up my favorite hot beverage (short vanilla latte) at our local Starbucks and noticed a small pamphlet called “My Starbucks Idea.” My first reaction was genuine elation, but I’ll get back to that in a few hundred words.
I have a love/hate relationship with Starbucks. We all do. We love the tasty goodness and the predictability, but hate the price. I love the hang and the convenience, but I hate the McDonald-ising of coffee shops. And even though it’s June right now, I’m already excited about the holiday cups in December and how cozy every store is around Christmas. I’m also a BIG fan of Starbucks, the company. They have genius marketing, a moral business plan, take care of their employees (profit sharing, health care, etc), and promote fair trade. Unfortunately, though, they’re becoming the Wal-Mart of the food industry. Because of sheer volume, the quality of the coffee has dropped considerably and they’ve become an easy target for locals-only coffee snobs, intellectuals and anti-corporate city punks, all of which practically defined the original target market for espresso consumers. However, thanks to the Seattle company, Americans are used to paying $3 or $4 for their lattes which has indirectly made it easier for mom-and-pop coffee houses to survive. The non-conformist, anti-sbux consumer will be happy to plop their $4 down at Portland Brew (or Bongo Java or wherever). But I digress.
I’m an idea person and occasionally these ideas will incorporate Starbucks to some degree. So naturally, when I saw the brochure asking patrons to visit www.mystarbucksidea.com, I was overcome with joy. I could just see it—my bank account filling higher and higher as a result of royalties from the scores of genius ideas/advice I would send to the suits in Seattle. Then I read the legalese. Let me sum it up for you: Zilch. Nada. Nothing. You will receive no payment, no royalties, and maybe even no credit whatsoever for your idea. Not even if it makes them millions. Nothing. Basically, it’s an easy way (and an absolutely genius plan, by the way) for Starbucks to get the public to do what their Marketing and Merchandising departments (who no doubt came up with the concept) are paid to do. Except you don’t get paid.
So, here’s my Starbucks idea: Don’t give Starbucks any free marketing or merchandising advice. I’ll keep mine to myself and let another company pay my consulting fee.
As a P.P.S. (a pre-postscript in this case), everyone can get two hours of free wifi at their stores now. See? I hate them…but I love them.
So. Much.
(rw)
I just posted on Starbucks myself. But that's not why I'm here. I tried to post on the Hunting and the Ticks, but they were closed. I haven't been able to catch up on reading your blog for a while, but tonight I found myself laughing literally out loud hoping not to wake my 3 YO twins. You are too freaking funny! Lead guitarist is one thing, but do you do stand up on the side or write for Seinfeld? I am so glad you started this blog. I need a good dose of funny and enlightenment in my days! Now off to add you to my google reader.
Posted by: Amy (BeyondJEMS) | July 06, 2008 at 12:27 AM
That's funny!
Posted by: Laura Anderson | June 29, 2008 at 04:09 PM
They shut down for a few hours a few months ago to "re-train" all of the baristas, and since then, I feel like I can say the drinks taste noticeably better.
Posted by: Thom | June 23, 2008 at 09:26 PM
Our checking account says you LOVE Starbucks!!!
xox
Posted by: The Wife | June 23, 2008 at 05:30 PM